I must be honest; this isn’t what I expected for my life. But when God has plans for your life, you just move aside and let Him have his way.
I’ll also be honest that I NEVER thought I would be a therapist. Truth is, in my mind, I only went back to get my Masters in Social Work because I was tired of struggling. I was barely surviving from paycheck to paycheck and the raises we got at work weren’t enough to cover the increase in the cost of living. I was tired of being in an entry-level position and hearing, “We would love to promote you to one of the higher level positions but because you don’t have your social work license we can’t promote you.” Do you know what that does to your spirit to constantly hear that you’re unqualified? I was tired of it all!
So I applied and was accepted to one of the nation’s top 10 social work programs. But what does that matter when you feel like you’re going through 10x more hell? Failed relationship, suicidal thoughts, losing your mom, problems on your job, rough pregnancy, issues with school, just to name a few. I was going through so much, I truly thought I was going to end up in the psych ward. I couldn’t understand why I had to go through all of this. I was just trying to make a little more money so I could take care of my children the best way that I could.
You see what I didn’t realize then that I realize now is that God had me going to two different schools – the school where I would obtain book knowledge and the school where I would obtain wisdom because of the various things that I would go through. He did that so that one year ago when He led me to open Blessings In DisguiZe Counseling & Coaching, I would have everything I needed to help every client He sent my way. It’s good to say you went to school to do something, but people want someone that I like to call real, reliable, and relatable. They want to know that you’re not doing this for the check but that this is your passion, that your dedicated to what you do. They want to know that you’re really here for them when they need you and not just a person you fit in on Tuesday at 6 PM because you’re just “squeezing them in.” And they want to know that you’re not just speaking to them because you read a book, wrote a paper, and passed a test. They want to know that you have real life experience in the things you to talk about. They want to know that you went through so they can have a little glimmer of hope that they can get through, too.
One year ago, I didn’t know that God would lead me to this point. But I’m grateful that He did. I’m thankful that He led me to the place where His plan matched my passion and met purpose. Experience met excitement. Help met healing. Blessings in DisguiZe is here to “help you help yourself” and I’m excited to see what His plans are for this next phase of the journey!
I Almost Did It…
The number of likes and shares decreased on my pictures and posts. I didn’t feel like people were receiving what I was putting out. A cloud of doubt came over me and rained down many negative thoughts that made me question could I really do this? Should I do this? Fear grabbed me and put me in a prison where I talked myself out of every blog or post that came to mind. Don’t expose yourself like that, people will judge. Do you really want them to know that about you?
I would go to my computer only to close it or get distracted with some other task. My notebook and my pens sat collecting dust waiting for me to bring them together and write down the many ideas that were swirling around in my head like a violent hurricane or tornado just waiting to be released. But, I wouldn’t write or type convincing myself that no one needed to hear me.
I’ve struggled with this for some years now. Where in the beginning, I put my heart and soul into something. I’m all in. Daily I’m working towards my goals, dreams, and aspirations. But then, I stop. I give up. I convince myself that I’m not good enough. That I’m not needed. That I can’t keep doing whatever it is that I’m doing.
But this time, something different happened. I got to that point of quitting and it seemed like something awakened in me. Something inside of me said you can’t give up. There’s someone out there that needs to read what you have to say. They need to know that they too can make it through. That small still voice told me not to focus on the numbers and focus on the purpose. I realize now that what I do is much more than the number of likes, comments, or shares I receive. Even If I help one person along the way, I did what I was supposed to do. So now it’s no longer about what I do, but why I’m doing it.
I almost did it.
But thank God I didn’t.