I Almost Did It...Again

I Almost Did It…

Again…

The number of likes and shares decreased on my pictures and posts.  I didn’t feel like people were receiving what I was putting out.  A cloud of doubt came over me and rained down many negative thoughts that made me question could I really do this?  Should I do this?  Fear grabbed me and put me in a prison where I talked myself out of every blog or post that came to mind.  Don’t expose yourself like that, people will judge.  Do you really want them to know that about you? 

I would go to my computer only to close it or get distracted with some other task.  My notebook and my pens sat collecting dust waiting for me to bring them together and write down the many ideas that were swirling around in my head like a violent hurricane or tornado just waiting to be released.  But, I wouldn’t write or type convincing myself that no one needed to hear me.

I’ve struggled with this for some years now.  Where in the beginning, I put my heart and soul into something.  I’m all in.  Daily I’m working towards my goals, dreams, and aspirations.  But then, I stop.  I give up.  I convince myself that I’m not good enough.  That I’m not needed.  That I can’t keep doing whatever it is that I’m doing.

But this time, something different happened.  I got to that point of quitting and it seemed like something awakened in me.  Something inside of me said you can’t give up.  There’s someone out there that needs to read what you have to say.  They need to know that they too can make it through.  That small still voice told me not to focus on the numbers and focus on the purpose.  I realize now that what I do is much more than the number of likes, comments, or shares I receive.  Even If I help one person along the way, I did what I was supposed to do.  So now it’s no longer about what I do, but why I’m doing it. 

I almost did it.

Again.

But thank God I didn’t.