I can remember my first official day at my job. It was May 13, 2013. I was so tired- I hadn’t slept because I was anxious, fearful, and doubting what was going to happen. This was my fourth job in almost a year and I almost hadn’t gotten this one because of my work history. Yet, they were willing to take a chance on me. The pay wasn’t the greatest, but it provided better hours for me to be able to provide a more stable lifestyle for my daughter so there was no turning this down. It was time for me to be a “big girl” and get up and go to work.
I believe that God places us in environments that will help us grow, force us to change, and pushes us into our purpose. But, initially and throughout my time at my job, there were times I couldn’t see that. I felt I was walking in as a failure. I had recently failed out of a Masters program and was facing having to pay a large sum of money because I hadn’t completed all the courses. I felt inadequate as I saw so many people moving up into new positions and I felt stuck because even when I tried to make things work, it seems like I never had the right credentials to be able to advance my career. I felt weak because it seemed like I was in a constant fight to prove myself, to better myself, and sometimes feeling like a had to be who they wanted me to be when I wasn’t really sure who of who I was but trying to be me (that was a lot J).
But it was through all of the struggles, the fighting, and the tears that I became who I am today. I learned who really supported me and who was just there to see if I would fail. I found how to connect my love for Jesus with my career and not be ashamed of it. And I learned how to stand out for who I am- a black woman making moves in social work.
I know I’m not the only one who has ever felt like, “God why are you taking me through all of this?” There were so many times I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t because there was still work left for me to do. I still had some growing to do. It wasn’t my time to leave yet. So many times we miss our blessing because we leave prematurely before God brings that chapter of our life to a close.
5 years later, this chapter of my life is coming to a close. Nervous? Yes. Fearful? No. Because I know with new beginnings come new blessings and new lessons and I ready to see what the next chapter of my life has in store for me.